Understanding our Teenagers…
The question, "Who am I?"
is especially pertinent during adolescence.
Adolescents
face an astonishing array of options in modern society—everything from choosing
from the multiple sources of entertainment to deciding what educational or
vocational pathways they are to follow spurs what Erik Erikson (1968)
famously called an identity crisis.
Teenagers are confronted with more decisions, and more complicated
decisions, than their parents and grandparents faced, often in complex
environments that trigger conflicting feelings and desires. Parents
may feel bewildered at rapid changes happening for their adolescent children,
as reflected in such things as musical tastes, appearance, friends, romantic
partners, hobbies, decision-making, and moral conduct.
The
hormonal changes that help convert the adolescent body from that of a child
into that of an adult contribute to a wild uprush of feelings and emotions and
to extreme mood swings that can often be worrying and upsetting for the
teenager and for the parent. Often their
minds are a turmoil of excitement, hope, expectation, anxiety and fantasy. Their mood swings can lead to agonizing
period of self-doubt – characterized by the increasing bouts of depression
occurring in young people today.
One of the many fascinating
contradictions in adolescence is that teenagers desire independence, and at the
same time have a deep need to fit in and belong. On one hand, a teenager will
demand, “Leave me alone,” but on the other hand they gravitate toward particular
groups with which they feel an affinity—the geeks, the jocks, the brains, the
hip-hoppers, the Goths, or the A-list. This seemingly contradictory behavior is
a predictable part of the identity-formation process. The impulse to join a group is thought to
stem in part from changes in the adolescent brain. Adolescents actually read emotions through a different part of the
brain than do adults and cognitive development during adolescence may make
social awareness difficult for some young people.
The teen years are a time of intense brain changes. Interestingly, two of the primary brain
functions develop at different rates and this factor can make social
awareness difficult for some young people.
Recent
brain research indicates the limbic system kicks into high gear in early
adolescence, while the still-developing frontal lobes in the brain
render adolescents vulnerable to making poor decisions; they can have trouble
forming judgments when things are cloudy or uncertain. Adolescents actually read emotions through a
different part of the brain than do adults and there may be an important link
between brain development and an adolescent’s ability to stop to consider
consequences, develop logical plans, or filter thoughts before blurting them out. The brain changes continue up to at least age
21, and some scientists believe maturation is not complete until 25.
Families and the family environment
have the potential to be an important stabilizing influence in the development
of adolescent sons’ and daughters’ identities. Family structure provides an
important environment in which identity development occurs. Two important
concepts in the development stage of your adolescent child are individuation
(where he/she is encouraged to develop their own identity) and connectedness
(which provides a secure base from which one can explore his or her identity).
Parents can help youth reflect on their identity and achieve a strong and
healthy sense of self by facilitating both individuation and connectedness.
The New ABCs of educating our children….
Attention
– Balance – and Compassion
Research shows that meditation
apparently stimulates those parts of the brain responsible for mental focus and
higher thinking and reasoning skills. It can help the student develop critical
thinking skills which is the key area of development for the adolescent brain.
The traditional ABCs of
reading, writing and arithmetic that served many of us the previous generations
don’t serve us fully anymore with our fast moving and media driven
environment. Today’s adolescent needs one thing that
parents seem to have the least surplus of—time. It takes time to listen and
relate to an adolescent.
Helping our children develop
academic skills is still essential, but we still need to support them even
more-so as they struggle emotionally and socially through the turbulent years
of adolescence.
However,
even in our busy lives, a simple technique
such as helping our children to become aware of their breath can be an invaluable tool in
helping them to increase their attention skills and become more relaxed. Our children’s’ breathing is the
swinging door between their inner and outer worlds. Most of us know that tuning into our own
breath is useful, but we can forget that paying attention to other people’s
breathing can let us know how they are reacting to life experience. Your child’s breath will give you a glimpse
of their lives from the inside out. It
can also inform you of their outer world – for example, their relationship with
you the parent, with siblings, with authority figures, with peers and with the
social world in general.
Breath awareness helps them to
understand what’s happening in, to and around them. One
of the reasons adolescents feel overwhelmed in the face of their strong
emotions like fear and anger and the uprush of sexual emotions is that they
lack any real understanding of them.
Such emotions can seem to be powerful things that rise unbidden and overwhelm
with energies they are not able to control.
Once a person learns to stabilize their attention, the emphasis
shifts to watching inner experience (thoughts, emotions and physical
sensations) – without getting so caught up in them (such as the mood swings so
prevalent in adolescence). Teenagers using mindfulness techniques on
a regular basis become increasingly aware and in tune with their emotional
lives and become better able to recognise and talk about their feelings.
Contact
The Dancing Soul for upcoming mindfulness and creativity courses for young
people.
Martina Breen H. Dip. M.A. Gestlalt Psychotherapist in The Dancing Soul:
Adolescent and Family Wellness Centre.